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The best car jokes

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The Edinburgh Fringe Festival, the world’s largest arts festival and the modern spiritual home of comedy is back once again – chock full of comedians, actors, dancers, circus acts, musicals and so much more.

For almost the entire month of August, the Fringe festival takes over the entire capital city in a celebration of the arts and creative freedom.

First established in 1947, the Edinburgh Fringe was originally an outlet for smaller theatre companies looking to play smaller, more alternative venue is the city while the larger Edinburgh International Festival took over the majority of venues and spaces in the capital.

Despite its roots in serious theatre, the festival has now become synonymous with comedy. Since 2008, comedy has made up the largest category of entertainment.

Not to pass up an opportunity to combine our love of all things motor related and the start of the 2018 Edinburgh Fringe Festival, we’ve put together a list of some of the best car jokes ever told.

We’ve dusted off our big book of dad jokes, flicked to the car section and we’ve some classics for you.

Feel to free to use any of these with your friends, family or co-workers to receive almost instant respect and admiration…

A man walks into a mechanics shop and says: “When I am going uphill I can only get up to 66”.

The tech replies: “66? That is pretty good!”

The owner then says: “Well yeah, but I live at 74”.

 

If you ever feel like your work is meaningless think about the guy that has to put on and test the indicators on BMWs.

 

What happens when you pour rust remover on a Lada?

It disappears.

I was walking down the street today when tow truck driver pulled up alongside me and said, “Excuse me, I’m looking for the accident site involving a van carrying a load of cutlery.”

“No problem,” I said. “Go straight down this road for 1 mile, then take the first left, and when you get to the fork in the road you’re there.”

 

Do you know what grinds my gears?

Clutch failure.

 

I had an uncle who had the most bizarre fixation back in the day- he would drink brake fluid. Maybe back in those days, it was less toxic than it is today because he never died but we were always so worried about him doing it.

I remember one time my dad told him that he was addicted and needed to cut it out, that it was bad for him.

My uncle replied, “Nonsense, I can stop anytime.”

 

When is a car not a car? When it turns into a driveway.

 

My sister bet me I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti. U should have seen her face as I drove pasta.

A guy walks into a shop and says “I’d like a gas cap for my KIA.” The owner thinks for a few seconds and replies “ok, that seems like a fair trade.”

 

Sometimes, when I’m driving into work in a £100K vehicle, I lean back and think, “If the bus driver doesn’t speed up, I’m going to be late.

 

What do you call a car that likes to dance?

A Mustango.

 

Where do Volkswagens go when they get old?

The Old Volks home.